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mont martre
snap shots

this is not what it is supposed to be. [Oct. 28th, 2010|11:39 am]
pixie
i am so tired from it all and what i am becoming-- this was supposed to be happy and joyous but all i feel is like a huge grumpy monster came and swallowed the sunshine. and i am perpetually crying out for time apart, time to self, time to dream but there is no time, no time at all.
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tonight i am restless once again. [Mar. 10th, 2010|02:36 pm]
pixie
there is something peculiar-
my cupboard doors creak open and
the gnarly branches outside cast a
             strange
    shimmering
           silhouette
      softly
waving on my walls.

while the world (and my roommate)
slumbers i patter about
peering out of curtained windows to
glimpse, perhaps, the gentle
   fall
  of
     snow
dusting
away
the greyness of this city.

no snow.

now i am
in thoughts of
you;
a slight twinge, how are
you?-
faraway, fading and
imagined.

two am is a strange time to be awake
(born of noon-naps,
coffee and the gurgling tummy)
but alas, it is time to
Sleep
and not mourn the demise of
The Cinnamon Rolls.


it's hard to believe that was over a year ago. i don't know how people survive on work for forever. there must be something more to this rigid collared life.
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(no subject) [Dec. 9th, 2009|11:34 pm]
pixie
this week i feel that i can never be forgiven enough to wipe the slate clean.
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what happens when you stay home to do an assignment. [Jun. 19th, 2009|07:01 pm]
pixie
it dawned upon me that my kid sister will always be my kid sister when she had to become my guinea pig in testing out powerpoint presentations for lower primary kiddos. teehee.

my sister will also have to guzzle chicken stew for the weekend after i cooked a whole pot in an over-enthusiastic fit, brought on by the yummos chicken stew i had with mark the day before. the chef's stew was green though, and mine is vaguely orange.

mmmpf nonetheless.
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stupid sedentary singapore. [Jun. 12th, 2009|11:52 pm]
pixie
maybe i will be skinny in my sleep.
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on sex ed- [Jun. 10th, 2009|11:27 pm]
pixie
you know you have been working too much on your sexuality education package when:
a) your colleagues spew sexual terms without batting an eyelid
b) your colleagues start to have freudian slips
c) your boyfriend is thinking of changing his msn nick to something along the lines of "15 june please come faster so we won't all be so sex-crazed"
d) your friends start msging you and telling you to get that crap out of your head


SOON SOON SOON!
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in thoughts of. [May. 31st, 2009|02:01 am]
pixie
i want to return before they knock my dear apartment down. i want to return to catch the world climbing championships this year. and i want to return before everyone leaves.

i miss xining.
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take off. [May. 21st, 2009|01:06 pm]
pixie
love is a place
& through this place of
love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places

yes is a world
& in this world of
yes live
(skilfully curled)
all worlds


love is a place, e.e. cummings

today my heart is empty and i cannot pretend that i am strong enough for the both of us. these days i read poetry to stop, and remember, when my heart was full.
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flops bunny ears. [May. 11th, 2009|03:55 pm]
pixie
note to self: please post esther goh kai jia's letter asap /._.\
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just for now, [Apr. 7th, 2009|09:09 pm]
pixie
worn and weary, and school hasn't even started. i'm stretched raw trying to manage the intricacies of work and the very nasty word called Expectation.
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learning the ways of affirmation. [Mar. 2nd, 2009|10:29 pm]
pixie
i like being thankful these days, and being able to express my thankfulness.
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overkill. [Feb. 27th, 2009|12:12 am]
pixie
i suppose anything at all would be a miracle in itself. little girl, the world is evil.
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micah 6:8 [Feb. 26th, 2009|03:24 am]
pixie
this is three thirty am and this is madness; whatever possessed me to go for both in a day? You know my heart and my desires, may Your light shine above all my hopes and dreams and fears.

"and what does the Lord require of you? to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

above all, i am excited (:
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tumbledown town. [Feb. 19th, 2009|12:01 am]
pixie
these days are lost and hazy; ebbing resolve and wanton sloth. i hold sunlight with joy and then discard it in fear. what really, is forever?
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foiled. [Feb. 5th, 2009|10:34 am]
pixie
so i finally gathered up all my _____ (insert whatever heroic statement) and chucked away my lethargy to get up and go running. i ran barely half a round before all the clouds decided to let loose and drench me. and it hasn't rained since i've been back.

of all times to rain.
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maybe i will try, but- [Feb. 4th, 2009|12:43 am]
pixie
this dear old place doesn't quite fit anymore; i'm in between, lost and lonely with nowhere to ink my life on.
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repeat and rewind; [Feb. 2nd, 2009|09:15 pm]
pixie
ask me; please don't make assumptions about my behaviour.
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for the want of: [Aug. 22nd, 2008|01:23 am]
pixie
a day to amble around, hands and hearts intertwined.
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post-helium and secondary school pop tunes. [Jul. 27th, 2008|01:10 am]
pixie
i don't know how people work, and work, and there is no end to work. i also don't know how people stay together and marry. or how people tread the fine line between self-agency and being unreasonably demanding.

i still don't know many things, but i had a fun time at a 21st earlier on bopping along to old school boybands and badly sung love songs, being transported to girl in blue days- of school talent contests, farewells from all over, class competitions, campfires and such.

scattered old songs and myriad different memories; i love how music draws people together. like how this guest at the hostel happily exclaimed to me that those were her friends on my itunes singing their hearts out (union of knives, sc's mixtape). i also remember how another guest crazily bopped alongside miah and i, who were bundling bedsheets, to the infectious beat of the arctic monkeys.

i have insane images of the few of us at the party looking like druggies, huffing out of balloons, desperately high on helium. there are not many things to feel after being annoyed to the point of tears but i will not forget the joy that comes with the breaking of dawn.
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love and faith. [Jul. 27th, 2008|12:55 am]
pixie
i think i get what it means to be tempted and swayed. of charms and maybes- this elusive thing called chemistry people spend their lives hankering after.

perhaps it was waiting to be roused, but there is this somewhat new understanding of why You speak of love, of faith, of the commandment to have no other.
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in a ramble before work. [Jul. 21st, 2008|01:57 pm]
pixie
making a trip down to the china embassy somehow cements the fact that i truly, truly am leaving. there are so many things i want to do and collage memories of before i go, but i am reminded that it is only four months.

and then what? this big white expanse of the future that is inchoate, all shapeless and thrilling.

i can't wait to leave, somewhat.
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the flipside of work. [Jul. 1st, 2008|11:20 pm]
pixie
i miss long leisurely walks, random bus rides to unknown corners of the island and unhurried conversations. two more months.

feeling intermittently quiet-sob like; the pms, or perhaps that unresolved work issue, or maybe just my insatiable appetite for constancy is getting to me. i think most of all i want to be heard and get past this fumbling new season of life that we all are in.

i feel like peter before the rooster crowed thrice; i think i shall go to sleep.
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(no subject) [Jun. 29th, 2008|08:27 pm]
pixie
patience (:
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the littlest things that take me there. [Jun. 21st, 2008|01:38 am]
pixie
so i helped a guest to bleach his shirt because he bloodied it whilst shaving- he said his nose was too large (!!!). there are now pink spots on my shorts surreptitiously covered up with black marker.

he made us wash just that shirt and his underwear, but specifed to only put the underwear in the dryer. i already had giggly fits imagining the sad lonely underwear spinning around when wt realised that she put it in without washing.

i have come to particularly like doing the inspection of beds after checkout- i have to switch off the airconditioner you see, and then hear big grown (some rather fetching) men whining in their sleep drenched state to please switch it back on. i poke them in glee and prance back out.

i also (not so secretly) heart the traumatised faces of first time durian eaters and bubble tea drinkers :x

things like these, amongst playing with patches and pete and the little black kitten (who thinks that everything is a moving target and thus ought to be pounced upon) over at the indian courier store make work fun- over and above that psych offer.

work being fun is however scant consolation for feeling like a caged bird these days. i'm having transitory blues and i wish i could take up the boss at the courier's offer to bring the black kitty home.
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i haven't seen patches for days. [Jun. 12th, 2008|08:57 pm]
pixie
i am incredibly bored with three days of mc. nothing else remotely interesting apart from rescuing euan junior and borrowing wy's brilliant idea to go to uhwc for medicine-

"you've graduated!" says the receptionist. "ah, you just graduated", echoes the doctor. "oh you've graduated already", sighs the pharmacist.

it pretty much felt as though i wasn't supposed to be there but they waived consulting charges till july anyway, and paying 6 dollars makes my pocket happy.

not so randomly, i was at the chinese embassy site to check for visa fees and stumbled upon articles explaining china's stance against tibet- stuff about feudal serfdom and theocracy. apart from the vilification of the dalai lama, i was actually momentarily taken in by the article. talk about the power of persuasion and the need to be adequately informed.

i get to see patches tomorrow, meow! and i've been having a little chuckle at the bf's encounters with the strange combination that is shopping and him. tee hee :x
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